Even Keel

I like to think of myself as often even keel.  I cannot describe myself as just even keel, for that would require me to be even keel at all times.  I must qualify the aforementioned statements with "to think of," for apparently the way I view myself is often different from reality.  Rereading the last three sentences, I understand some of the mental fatigue I experience in my day-to-day life.

I'm unsure if my bowling experience tonight (related to being even keel) is a curse or a blessing.  I'm a member of the Lousy Bowlers League at the Brunswick Zone in Norcross.  If you're unfamiliar with league bowling, you typically bowl three games during an evening's competition.  Tonight two of my three games were average and what I describe as "meh:"  165 and 135.  My second game saw me luck into the highest score of my bowling career (if memory serves me right), 257.

Here is where the merits of being even keel must be discussed.  I am not unhappy about bowling a 257; however, I didn't display behavior of being "thrilled" either.  I make a point to stay even keel during the league for a couple of reasons:  (a) Keep myself calm and (b) not annoy nearby bowlers.  The problem exists within.  In my efforts to remain calm and flat, I think I managed to crush the internal elation that should've come with such an achievement.  Considering it now, I feel nothing.

I know there is no answer to this other than simply alter how I think; however, I can't for this event.  The event has passed.  The only opporunity I will have to try experience elation in relation to this again, is by bowling a game higher than 257 -- highly unlikely.  There is little point to this post, aside from the insignificant musings about how one can apparently fail at the most natural part of the human experience:  feeling.